We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
