im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
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