it was like eating out sand paper
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
