There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
