This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
