the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
People in love make me want to vomit
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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