He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize