Please, let me fuck your mom
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
