I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize