Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
