He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize