Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
