I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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