whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
