so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
