i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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