you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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