drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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