im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
