She is in my trunk
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
where am i from again
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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