Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need a burrito and a hug.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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