I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Found the puke drawer
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
