grandma shit on top of the toilet
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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