he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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