Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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