Even the bartender felt bad for me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
