I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
