I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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