I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
