using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
