my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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