Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
