before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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