There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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