Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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