oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
