you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
