An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
