I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
