Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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