I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
