I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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