She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
