I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
