4 words: hood of his car
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
