plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
