Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
