Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
