Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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