He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
