Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You ate ashes out of my bong
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
