dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
