i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
