hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
