Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
