Joe is yelling at the trees again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
