tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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