if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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