i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize