I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
