i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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