I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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