sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
