So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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