Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
