I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he was CRYING into my vagina
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
