I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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