All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
