I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize