If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
