My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
